Wednesday, December 30, 2009

what am i doing???

today's really boring, all i did was sleep till like 9plus a.m and just play wii and use msn till like 4 and headed to where i am now>.< in camp... to do my duty....

today i cant seem to figure what im doing for the past few weeks... lots of my actions i do not have reasons for and have been wondering why i did that and am i on the right path??

i need a hug..... i need someone to hold me and take me seriously for what im doing....

i dunno if im slowly recovering frm the hurt cuz it seems like im slowly being sucked into vacuum
a place of nothingness
numbing my senses slowly
making everything seem unreal

will i find a way out?
i wish i dun have to wait for time to tell

on another point, i realise ppl tend to see things they dun wanna see, like somehow u become really sensitive to it and end up noticing this things that u refuse to see so much more easily.
i hate it when i see them everywhere>.< its like trying to remind me even after i tried so hard to forget...

i tink in my heart im still pretty pissed at some ppl whom i trusted so much to have cheated me like that, but maybe becuz i did not show that i noe, it seems like it can go overboard... constantly taunting me to reveal stuff, tot of it makes me sick...

oh well i guess thats todays thoughts... am i backsliding?
hmmm i hope i can forgive ppl but some are juz too hard to? they never learn.

Thats all.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

wishing for too much

a year has passed since i last blogged and this year is almost ending

i have had much fun this year
same goes with the pain...
seems like quite a painful year to go through next year after all that has happened...
i wished i never messed up,
i wished i didn't have to have friends do such things to me...
i wished somebody could understand me the way i see things
not just tell me to view it some other way
but I'm glad God placed some interesting people in my life strangely but surely
to indirectly talk to me about my mistakes and my pain
im really really thankful for having this ppl around to talk to
but im still hoping for the relationship i had to come back...

a new year is coming, i wish i have the time to spend with all my friends and loved ones...
i think im wishing for too much...
so i hope next year will be more merciful to me
i foresee one of the worst year of my life mentally coming soon...

hmmm clearing all the fungus growing around this blog, i think it'll be my little space for now to pen my thoughts down and release some stress, as advice from an interesting friend=) i'll leave that for another time.

it may be a gloomy post but i wish anybody who is still reading this a happy new year!